40 Dads and 40 Nights

I came up with a phenomenal business idea, and I've been developing the concept with my friend, Nick. We are going to start a public service called "40 Dads and 40 Nights," where customers get to try out new dads for the implied period of time and pick one when time period is done for a flat fee. They get a new dad every evening.

There is obviously an unreal amount of potential customers. Probably thousands just in Green Bay alone.

I understand many of you are probably wondering, "Where ya gonna get all these dads?" The answer is: We are smart. "Father" is a loose definition. Outside of the legitimate dads working for us, we will also use men who never had the chance to be fathers, but they will be QUALITY fathers. The dads will be required to have former experience, like being an uncle or a mall Santa. We will have more readily available fathers than we will know what to do with.

In a nut shell, "40 Dads and 40 Nights" will be like the movie "Trading Mom" on steroids.

Where will we advertise? Definitely Walmart. There are a lot of dad-less people at Walmart, but we will pretty much advertise anywhere in-need-of-father people congregate; like at Red Robin or maybe the cemetery.

We still haven't decided if we will store and house the dads. We might just let them wonder around the office. The dads definitely won't be paid, because they will be paid in potential sons or daughters.

In order to make sure customers don't wonder off with our dads, we will have to limit the locations they can go to on these nights out. Probably just Qdoba...No, no....Probably just Staples. We will have the Staples employees watch them for us, and in return the employees can kiss the dads.

We're going green though, so, the dads will not be fed. Customers will be required to bring sandwiches each night or they will be fined. That's already a 56% profit growth right there.

So, pretty much, this business idea is already in motion. I've already have created a PowerPoint to present to the bank for a loan, and Nick bought a briefcase for when he meets with potential investors. If you are interested in investing in this father-less gold mine, tweet me @StephenSchu. There is no way this business model will not make me insanely rich, even richer than the people who made all those "Homeward Bound" movies.

Another Ode to Coffee Shops

In November, Mason wrote an entry regarding coffee shops, and the on-going debate between anti-corporate, Starbucks and other competitors. Like many people, I'm along with Mason in hitting these "let your hair down" locations. However, coming into any coffee joint has never been easy for me.

I'm currently sitting in Luna Cafe, a phenomenal coffee shop in De Pere, Wis., which is a short walk from St.Norbert College. Luna is a must among students and the greater college community. I never went to Luna very often until my senior year, and I say the same for corporate coffee establishments. Something about sitting on a laptop, composing a journal entry about your dead dog "Kyle," ordering an outrageously specific coffee drink in an obscurely "hip" setting never appealed to me. Yet, here I am, blending in with the old douche-bags pretending to be young as they jot down notes and attempt to hit on the posh, possibly attractive girls dressed like they grew up in a thrift store near the forest. These epicenters of counter-culture and caffeinated drinks have gradually grown on me.

My love for coffee is embedded in my DNA down to my toenails. I prefer coffee black and often. I like my coffee how I like my women; strong and from Denny's. My friends have always been rattled when I order a coffee post dinner or how my family of six downed six pots of coffee respectfully on Christmas morning. As blue is to Babe the Ox, coffee is to me. I know my good coffee, but that doesn't mean I won't settle for swept up grounds off a shop floor. However, small coffee shops like Luna and even your over-priced corporate shops make some amazing brew. So, the quality of coffee from niche joints was the first hook to keep drawing me back. What began to reel me in further was my innate frugal traits.

Luna, for example, is very responsibly priced. If you sit down for a simple cup of coffee, it's one dollar for the initial mug and only twenty-five cents for refills. If you bring five dollars with you, you'll have had enough mild laxative to poop out your colon. In addition, these groovy settings bring in an outrageous crowd. Sad women reading newspapers, exchange students playing Farmville, unemployed uncles wearing scarves -- the list goes on. If you are seated in a proper position, coffee shops are ideal for people watching.

Like a retail store, coffee joints morph their customer's state of minds. In many cases, some of my best writing has been done at Luna, but this doesn't discredit the fact many individuals are still going to Starbucks with their laptop to let everyone know they are writing, studying or being productive. It's sad individuals reach a point where they need the sensual recognition from strangers to gain self worth in their daily tasks. Regardless, through time you eventually get over the hump off the "touch of the world" crowd around you.

At one point I realized these strange people are doing what makes them happy. Whether it's having a latte and thinking about their dad or catching up with a friend, this easy to judge crowd is just like you; enjoying the free time they have.