What’s Stephen Reading?? LOL

I noticed Mason wrote an entry regarding "books" he’s been "reading." I’d like everyone to know Mason cannot read – well, at least not very well. Mason’s reading skills are barely past Hop on Pop. His claim to be into Russian literature and satirical novels is a verbatim conversation he recorded of me when I was interviewed by the New York Post, which he now claims to be his own. Regardless, I forgive him. No one would be interested in hearing a 7^th grade evaluation of Little Critter’s first trip to the dentist. Stealing my ideas is all the poor guy had left to do.

Furthermore, I decided to give this Midwest blog a little college educated vibe by letting all you kids and younger women who read this blog know what I’ve been reading lately.

My Custom Van – And 52 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face by Michael Ian Black

I purchased this book after viewing the following youtube video regarding a taco party: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGij1j9MyH8. The hilarity and compelling essays Black composed will likely make you put down the book (or Kindle) and vomit heavily from laughter. Soon thereafter, you will discover blood in your puke and be brought to the hospital. After about two weeks of testing, you’ll return home to find out it was nothing. Once you’re home again, you’ll pick the book (or Kindle) right back up from the blood puke stained carpet. Personal favorites of his essays are "Erotic Fiction: The Elevator," "This Is How I Party," and "A Series of Letters to the First Girl I Ever Fingered."

The anthology is made with love. If you know Micahel Ian Black from his comedy group Stella, Sierra Mist Commercials or cult-classic film Wet Hot American Summer – you’ll recognize his comedic wit immediately. He has excellent, unique writing skills coupled with perfect comedic timing. I recommend this book to anyone but my parents.

Eating Animals – Jonathan Safran Foer

Jonathan Safran Foer may be the best living author in the entire world, and I say that with extreme confidence. After reading Everything’s Illuminated and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, I purchased Eating Animals without question. However, the book is different than what you might expect but a phenomenal read nonetheless.

The novel is a brilliant memoir-investigation about his struggle with vegetarianism. He looks into the intelligence behind the meat industry and organic farming, the economic reasoning behind commercial farming as well as the horrors of it all. The book glued me in when the meat industries terrifying procedures were explained but then backed up by true facts, which rightfully explain why those farmers do what they do. The book isn’t written towards strict vegetarians or only meat lovers, but rather, the book lays it all down in front of you for your interpretation.

The Sims 2 (MAC Computer Game) by EA Games

If you counted the hours I’ve played The Sims and published the statistic in a newspaper, I likely would never have a girl interested in me ever again. Regardless, I was looking for my German military jacket in a box in my garage when I found the box to this computer game. Sadly, the disc was not in it. This left me with two options: 1.) Pee on the box and then burn it. 2.) Read the box. I went with number two.

Issue one with this novel – There are ZERO compound sentences and really just a bunch of sentence fragments stringed together on the back of the box. If you like computer generated people pictures, you’ll like this book. However, The Sims 2 is not my cup of popcorn. I was done reading it after about 30 seconds, and the character development was terrible. After reading EA Game’s Of Mice and Men, I assumed there would be a more linear narration, but I grasped nothing of the sort from this crappy attempt at literature. But, hey, if someone finds the disc – let me know.

420 piped sneakers by Radii Footwear

I was browsing for Halloween costume accessories when I stumbled upon this non-fiction sneaker novel. Pretty fly, huh? Unlike The Sims 2, these sneakers have unparalleled word flow, which just bounces off the velcro straps. Do these sneakers have man-made materials and leather upper? Yes. Hi-top design? Yes. Padded ankle upper? Hell yes. Like other Raddi Footwear reading materials, there are always issues. Only sizes 9 and 9.5? What? Are we all little children? I give it 3/5 stars.

Velveeta Shells Cheese - 5/12oz. Packs by Kraft

A more difficult read than you’d expect. Kraft’s plot development was a big cluster of poop. On my first read, I never strained the noodles and ended up with a big pot of cheese water and fuck. Don’t buy this.

I’ll close with a quote from Uncle Buck…

Buck Russell: You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door.