A Supplementary Series of Play and Musical Ideas

I'm going to write a play about a struggling Russian entertainer, Borya Gutemovskii, who performs Trans-Siberian puppet shows at a local Pizza Ranch in Salt Lake City. He lives in the shadow of Clem Penny, regional famous puppeteer who brings to life Mad Men inspired shows. Gutemovskii's life soon changes when he schemes to bring down Clem Penny by becoming a Mad Men puppet himself and sabotage Penny's show after meeting a magical, Boston witch at Hobby Lobby. Gutemovskii instantly falls in love with the Trudy Campbell puppet, realizes she can't be brought to life and stalks the real life Trudy Campbell (Alison Brie) for all of Act II. He has trouble traveling because he is a puppet.

Lindsey Buckingham

I'm going to write a play about a female airline pilot who has lived in the cockpit of an Airbus A300 commercial aircraft since her childhood, never leaving after her parents died in a freak, pacemaker malfunction at 4,000 ft. One day, while descending into Detroit, the woman pilot writes the song "Landslide," which is overheard by Lindsey Buckingham in 1st class. The two form the band Fleetwood Mac, living on the plane and surviving off of Sutter Home Wine samples and infant size bags of pretzels for the rest of their lives. The couple conceives and gives birth to all the members of the band Jefferson Airplane, who later become Jefferson Starship and eventually My Chemical Romance, respectively.

Captain Troy Tempest

I'm going to write and compose a musical about the puppets used by the Von Trapp children for the marionette show from "The Sound of Music." The plot follows the puppet's rise to fame in "The Lonely Goatherd" performance to their fall as back-up puppets for the 1960's children marionette puppet television series, Stingray. Several of the Von Trapp puppets, especially the small band's tuba player, have affairs with Captain Troy Tempest (main character from Stingray), producing the following puppet children:

Pepe the King Prawn / Steve Buscemi

Gorg / Bruce Vilanch

Dr. Bunsen / Al Roker

Moving to Chicago: A Hipster's Tale

I recently made a move to Chicago for hopes the proximity switch would create a larger window of opportunity. I could carve paragraph after paragraph about the Chicago job market into the hard wood floor under the throw rug in the living room of the apartment I'm staying in with a spoon; but I'll save that for Friday.

Chicago has been remarkable so far. The endless, niche options of bars, restaurants and dental offices speaks wonders of the complexity of a big city. I've already withheld my true professional sport team preferences and saw a Cubs game at historic Wrigley Field; I've seen bits and pieces of the night life and ice cream salesmen on the beaches; and I've noticed there are not enough places to get coffee.  

One of the most confusing and intriguing observations I've came across is the similarity of appearance between the female population around my age. All the girls I know from Chicago look like every girl in Chicago. This "Chicago look" includes big sunglasses, free flowing clothes, longer hair tagged with a bit of new wave/ indie upper-class sophistication. Every day I think I see someone I know from college, and it's just another random Chicago girl mixed amongst the increasing number of hipsters escaping their home in Wicker Park. Seriously, the superior status of hipsters in Chicago and bohemian urge makes me feel like I'm living in 1960s Greenwich Village -- but that's a whole different blog I'll carve into the wooden cabinets while everyone else here is sleeping before I move into my own place.

In my free time I've told a few friends about my move down here or have been approached by others about it (apparently word travels fast when you look exactly like a male Keira Knightley). I'm obviously fairly naive about getting around the city and am fortunate to be staying with friends who know the area very well. Likewise, I'm fascinated by how many of my friends who I thought were from the real city of Chicago are actually from the suburbs and have equal or less knowledge on how to get around the actual city or where specific locations are.

One of my favorite traits of the city is the convenient utilization of public transit and walking. Whether we're riding the "L" or walking around, I'm a huge fan of not using a car and saving money. Many jobs will pay for your commuter costs as well -- making these rides all the better. In addition to the public transit's financial advantages, every trip has a tank full of hilarity and awkwardness. The train rides are often packed to the brim full of business professionals, overweight travelers and whatever blew in from the circus. My personal favorite are the individuals refusing to grab onto the railings while the trains is moving when no seats are available -- as if they are too good for them -- which results in the person constantly almost tipping over.

Big cities have boundless features to love or hate -- and this Keira is hitting the "love" button a lot on his dashboard of discovery. Chicago is an exciting place to be, full of opportunity, enjoyment and terrifying mannequins at H&M.

Cash Rules Everything Around Me

As the four people who still read this blog are aware, I'm the poster boy for finishing college and finding zero success in the real world. Whether I'm conversing with acquaintances or colleagues, they often ask what I'm up to, I explain and at some point they rattle off, "See, that's not bad. Money isn't everything." To some extent they are correct. Money isn't everything, but money makes everything astonishingly easier.

I come from a phenomenal family, who has provided me with everything I have ever needed, while still teaching me the value of money how to work for it. However, we were never financially well-off. I've worked since I was in 5th grade, and even now I still go paycheck to paycheck. When I tell friends I can't do something, because I don't have money they will say, "Yeah, man, I'm running low too." I'll have to respond with a blunt, "No, seriously, I literally only have $10.00 in my account."

When someone says, "money isn't everything," I'll put my last $10 down betting this person has never lived with much financial difficulty. Money isn't everything when you have a spouse who pays the bills -- allowing you to pick a low capital accumulating career. Money isn't everything when your wealthy parents have continually and comfortably provided you anything you've ever wanted. Money isn't everything when you are so financially secure, shopping or spending decent hunks of cash at the bars isn't bothersome.

Sadly, for many people, money is everything - not in the sense it is an obsession but rather a necessity. Money is what holds you over while you take your career in a different direction. Money allows you to comfortable pursue your dreams. Money can take worries of paying bills on time, feeding your family and counting your hours up every week to make sure you get buy and kick them in the teeth. Money creates a sense of composure and relaxation, allowing you to accomplish the things you want to do.

If money isn't everything, then I wouldn't be here right now. If I had the money, I would have moved to Los Angeles or New York on a limb one year ago and attempted to make it as an actor. I would never have written half of these blogs; I wouldn't have to use 3/4 of my savings to fix my car; I wouldn't have to work three jobs making a maximum of $300/week. The lack of money holds people back. The lack of money keeps good families from moving out of bad areas, yields plans of retirement and stops individuals from accomplishing life goals.

This is not saying some people don't live on bare minimum and are still happy. Every person holds different ambitions, and for some the simplicity is what they need to be happy. In fact, sometimes the lack of opportunity is what you need to have the audacity to take a leap of faith. When opportunity is at a halt, perhaps the correct move forward is a jeopardous but bold decision covered in uncertainty. The idea of making yourself completely vulnerable is obviously terrifying but can have it's pay offs. I was conversing with a friend about the same subject recently, who said, "The universe has a way of balancing things out, and when you have that much working against you, there should be a lot coming your way." Wise and hopeful -- a lot of good can come from a weak start. Still, substantial capital and responsible use of it can create better things quicker and with lower stress.

I'm outrageously envious of friends and others who have the capabilities to never have to legitimentally worry about money. I only hope the individuals lucky enough to be in those positions take advantage of their privileges to accomplish great things. However, many don't and never have a true understanding of the value of a dollar, and later tell those less off then them, "Hey, money isn't everything."

Sea Turtle Job Applications

My job hunt for a full-time career carries on, and through the painful journey I've come across some very interesting application processes.

Recently, I applied for a position with a unique company. Although the position, place of work and environment were very legitimate, the application process was outrageous (in a good way).

After I filled out the application basics, I was asked to write two essays (common when applying for writing based jobs). However, this was unusual. Feeling adventurous at 11:45 p.m., I wanted to crank these out. Little did I know, I was thrown a curve ball. Essay one instructed, "From the perspective of the turtle, write a 1st person description of a turtle's greatest accomplishment (150 - 300 words)."

Yes.

I read this over a few times and even consulted with friends. I was baffled but intrigued. I decided I could wait on this one.

I scrolled down the page to the second essay...Click the image below and be awakened...


I was even more puzzled as I read yet another turtle question that only could be composed after the first essay was finished. Let me remind you, this job had no animal involvement, required no turtle accolades and had zero additional odd aspects. I was fairly certain some recruiters were totally fucking with me.

I actually waited about one day before I began to tackle the essays. Once finished, I was dying share my results with everyone. Funny enough, I landed an interview but didn't get the job (what a shocker). However, it wasn't because of my turtle essays. In fact, they told me they all "loved" my turtle accomplishment story, which I want to share with you. The following was my response to the first writing prompt:

"From the perspective of the turtle, write a 1st person description of a turtle's greatest accomplishment (150 - 300 words).

Last week, I hauled myself onto a Costa Rica beach shore in the middle of the night. As my body breached the water, the moon danced with each of my weighed steps while my reptilian soul combed the beach for adequate sand to displace my young. I discovered suitable nesting sand all around me; however, my friend Amanda told me the best sand was 100 feet to the right of the old sunstone. I methoically worked my way over to the Amanda-approved sand and began my mental preparation. Once in position, I utilized my hind flippers to dig a hole. I dug with a feverish frenzy in supple but efficient swipes until I was plenty deep. I then filled the hole with roughly 100 of my eggs. Each egg was special to me, but there were too many to conjure up individual names. I called most of them "Jeffrey." Regardless, after filling the nest back up with sand, I smoothed the surface to nature's content. My body was sluggish and gritty from the hour endeavor. I then nonchalantly returned to the sea, leaving my eggs untended, although many of my hatchlings won't live until adulthood."

Boom. Under 200 words. Hot off the press. Warm to the touch. Pretty much the next "Hunger Games." Yet, apparently I didn't enjoy turtles crawling all over me enough to be offered the position (that actually wasn't ever mentioned). Regardless, I did at least, until the impersonal denial of the job, have a decent time with this one.

A Delayed Review of "Tammy: A Coming of Age Story About a Girl Who Is Part T-Rex"

I recently made a trip down to Chicago (not to be confused with the restaurant Old Chicago) for professional business reasons. Other than meandering around the downtown area and visiting that one Starbucks they have on Michigan Ave., I caught a little play which made the visit worth the amount of sweat I perspired during the visit (it was hotter than a sack of flaming diapers outside).

A friend of mine had been raving about the production he was in called, "Tammy: A Coming of Age Story About a Girl Who Is Part T-Rex." Since I was staying with him and there was a grocery store that sold wings next door -- I decided to check the show out. Have you ever seen "Sleepless in Seattle?" Well, "Tammy" is nothing like it; other than the fact that film was created in the 1990's. However, let's talk about those wings I ate first.

I bought them from a Jewel grocery store where one pound of honey BBQ wings is $5.99 (score). I grabbed a 12-pack of Miller Lite as well (wasn't carded) and headed over to The Cornservatory (the building looked like corn) where "Tammy" was going down (BYOB). The wings were pretty legit but very crunchy. Some of them generated a fairly loud noise with each bite. In fact, I could hear other audience members mumbling to their friends, "Is that guy eating wings?" The wings complimented my overall impressive demeanor of sitting alone, in the front, with beer. But seriously, the wings were worth the money. I may move my weekly dates with girls from that little cafe at Target to Jewel's deli. If you want to ask me questions about the wings, hit me up on Twitter (@StephenSchu). Now about that play....

"Tammy" by Corn Productions, is a story set in the '90s revolving around a middle school girl named Tammy Rex, who is part T-Rex. Outside of the fact Tammy looks like a dinosaur, eats raw meat, and has growling issues, she is like any kid growing up. She yearns to be popular, has a crush on a popular/athletic boy, and ultimately just wants to fit in.

You instantly fall in love with Tammy, played by Alex Young. She's super cute, super funny and undoubtedly makes you feel her struggle. Tammy's best friend, Hope (Alisa Rosenthal), provides loyal alliance to Tammy through her tween difficulties supported by hilarious jokes and seasoned acting skills.

The main source of Tammy's social troubles come from Jennica Lupis, the "Mean Girls" Ragina George of the play. I was extremely impressed by Jackelyn Normand's portrayal of Jennica. Her condescendingly hysterical and mean-witted conversations alongside her two-faced actions complimented by her pack of followers drew out my first LOL of the play. Jennica and her classmates complained about grandparent's inconsiderate timing of getting sick around holidays after "Jesus died for us so we could have a good Christmas," which instantly caused me to burst out laughing followed by choking on Jewel chicken.

I could write pages about the entire cast individually, because each character was phenomenal and genuinely made their persona add to an overall, deep hilarity, which poured off the stage and into my grocery bag full of wing bones -- likely the result of Anneliese Toft's brilliant directing. I have friends who are '90s junkies that would fall in love with "Tammy" based off the cleverly weaved in '90s references and music. The Rex family morning scenes, various romantic fantasies between Tammy and Cliff (Eric Akeson), and the awkwardness by Steve "Bacon Bite" Watson (Seth Wanta) all made me laugh from my first beer to my last wing.

Playwright Julia Weiss has created an intelligent, thoughtful, and heartwarming two hours of laughter. I personally enjoyed the subtle jokes of the production, which showcased Weiss's sought after talent to create thorough, satirical enjoyment.

Although the play only runs until April 7, I wanted to give my kudos to the cast and crew. Regardless, you have two more weekends to check it out. The show runs Wednesday-Saturday through April 7 at The Conservatory, 4210 N. Lincoln Ave., Chicago, IL 60618. Tickets are roughly $7, and it's BYOB (truly amazing). If I could eat wings, drink beer and see "Tammy" every Wednesday until I die; I'd be living a very good life.

A Series of Play and Musical Ideas

So, my new thing is brain storming play and musical ideas. Some of you may have seen my ideas on Facebook or Twitter. Regardless, I'm getting really good at it. In fact, my numbers and research are consistently leading me to be certain I can make triple figures at a minimum on any of my masterpieces.

Some actors have already stepped forward and told me they were interested (i.e. Tim Allen). U2 has expressed strong interest in composing music for many of my plays/musicals. In addition, my contacts with Stephen Sondheim reported he is looking to turn a couple of my plays into musicals, likely children's musicals. Monster is going to sponsor all my productions.

Here are the plays and musicals I'm writing:

• I'm going to write a play about a high school basketball star who loses his parents in a fatal car accident as they were on their way to go see "Lorax." The plot twist will be that the parents never actually died. "Lorax" was just so bad that the parents faked their death and abandoned their only son. The son grows up to be the native kid, Mimi-Siku, from "Jungle 2 Jungle."

• I'm going to write a play about one of the characters from "Swamp People," who every night, after killing tons of gators, goes home and records a pretend radio talk show. Eventually, the show is picked up and developed by MTV and becomes a hit music video show. The character turns out to be Carson Daly.

• I'm going to write a children's musical about a blind waitress at Red Robin who aspires to be a gold medal skeet shooter at the Summer Olympics after discovering she is distantly related to the famous American sharpshooter and cowgirl, Annie Oakley. The blind girl dies of tuberculosis before accomplishing anything.

• I'm going to write a play about a basketball coach at a technical college in Montana who is forced to live out the rest of his life in a wheelchair after suffering a spinal cord injury from his iPad 3 while trying to get his team into the NCAA Tournament. He sues Apple, who settles the case outside of court. In exchange, the coach gets cheetah legs with Bluetooth capabilities and sets the American 100m Dash record in the 1998 Olympic Games but is later disqualified, because he illegally downloaded "Mean Girls" on his iPad. He has to return his cheetah legs and his gold medal. He now is an assistant Men's Basketball coach at UWGB. The cheetah legs are up for auction on ebay.

• I'm going to write a play about a 17-year-old girl who's really into barbers but her Catholic parents want her to marry a hair-stylist.

I can already taste the success and women.

Stephen Takes "The Tim and Eric Billion Dollar Movie Pledge"

The comedians, actors and ridiculous human-beings, Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, are asking people to sign and take a pledge to go see their movie "Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie" and promise to not pirate the film. Tons of celebrities have taken the oath such as Paul Rudd, Michael Ian Black and Elijah Wood. So, I figured, why shouldn't I do it? I mean, I'm pretty much as popular and as important as all those characters.

Other than promising to see the film in one way or another and tell your friends about it, Tim and Eric also include in the pledge that you are not to go see the movie "Lorax," because "Lorax looks bad." Absolutely hilarious. Read more about it in this Huffington Post article. The article includes the original video and the celebrity responses.

Below is the link to my video of the pledge. I suggest you do the same.