The Growing Acceptance in Lack of Pride in Work and Life

Outside of my humor and puppet focused posts, I've wrote on life goals and professional careers. I've recently felt compelled to return to the topic as I've become increasingly troubled by the answers I receive when I ask post-college graduates what their future plans or current goals are. Their answers are a too often and troubling, "Not sure," or an unmotivated, "I don't know."

I understand, TRUST ME, I UNDERSTAND, leaving college or even having decided an ultimate goal a few years down the road may be problematic -- especially with the current job market. The economy validates the uncertainty in the answer to some extent. My issue isn't the unknown, clueless answer; the growing trend of acceptance to the lack of motivation and pride is what bothers me.

I had a conversation with a friend recently and asked them where they wanted to climactically be in their career as an achievement of true success. The individual said they had attended grad school, received their Master's, found a very good job and are looking to return to school for a Ph.D. within two years. I instantly explained to my friend my extreme adoration for their success and aspirations. I went on to explain how commonplace it's become for a person to answer the same question with a simple, "Whatever." A "whatever" aimlessly preserved in airless atmosphere, which the entire world is supposed to see as irreproachable. You aren't to question that they are unsure, not to make any recommendations, not to help, but rather applaud and encourage the lack of pride, because there really is no pride.

Clint and Ron Howard

One way people go about making up for their lack of success is gluing themselves to the coattails of those they have relationships with, both intimate and as friends or family. I see such an innate problem with clinging onto someone else's achievements in order to give off the impression you're doing well by association. Isn't this growing standard concerning for everyone else? 

You should be able to look yourself in the mirror with your chin up and say, "Look at what I've done." Instead, people avoid the mirror and throw a towel over it. They live off the sensual feeling and grossly existing pride and satisfaction in what the person their married to has accomplished or what the people they've slept with have done.

It's sickening; it's disturbing; it makes you wonder, "When are these people going to wake up? Will they go on the rest of their lives gloating and proudly pissing in a pond of gold filled by another's accomplishments?"

Of course, discussing your goals or successes is uneasy and awkward, but at some point you need to be able to remove the towel you tossed over the mirror. Whether your goal is to just get a decent job or raise a great family, you have to draft some blue prints! Did your family not raise you to succeed? If they didn't, don't you see others who are driven and have some small desire to be like them?

"Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job".

What holds people back from questioning their friend's or family member's lack of path and ambition is the fear we will "hurt their feelings." We think questioning someone's lack of motivation as "mean" and "not polite" -- and to some extent it is. But I rather have a repeated kick in the balls to send some reality to my brain than have a rotting virus in my head make excuses for my lack of self-sufficiency.

My advice to those who are unsure on their life goals is to at least have something in line (even if it's short term). Without goals you have no backbone, and the lack of supportive structure has become terrifyingly "okay" with everyone. I understand too, it's whatever makes you happy. However, living your life with little self-accomplishment and fueling your own sense of pride with other's successes is inherently sickening.

Death of Salesman: Avoiding Being a Willy Loman

I've recently been reflecting on my current life status, ultimate goals as well as how one's life often innately restricts a person's ambitions.

I hold very high expectations for myself, and I've come out of college miles away from where I anticipated I would be at this point in my life. There are not many post-graduates who set the bar low on their desire for success. However, "success" varies from person to person. "Success" could be starting a family, hitting grad school or landing a solid job. I also find it easy to judge friends or acquaintances on where they are in their life, and, usually, I never take the time to factor in determinants holding people back from their goals.

My goals, like many, are very high and probably unrealistic. I'm held back from taking my first, ample step in this direction due to a lack of financial backing. The lack of substantial capital is only one factor that can hold a person back from success. Some people are stuck where they are geographically for reasons such as taking care of a sick family member. Others may feel obliged to stay where they are because of a phenomenal relationship with a significant other. Deciding on what's more important, your ultimate life goals or a realistic living, never comes easy.

For example, let's say I stay in Wisconsin for the rest of my life. I marry someone I truly love, I finally land a respectable job with substantial compensation and start a family. This scenario sounds great, right? But what if I had a goal of working for ESPN or as a big time sports analyst, and instead of ever attempting to have more audacity against my life restrictions I'm 37-years-old wondering what I could have been.

What's the better path? You can only hope there is a balance between both. It's not necessarily that a significant other or your family wouldn't be supportive of your dreams, there are just often convincing life factors which create probable road blocks.

I'm often extremely jealous of people who have a much more simple life due to a lower scale of expectations. I currently work with an extremely polite, quiet and rather simple minded individual. This person and I recently had the following conversation:

Co-worker: Boy, I had quite the adventure last night.
Me: Oh, really? What did you do?
Co-worker: Well, a few of my friends and I started out by grabbing a drink at [insert random establishment I've never heard of].
(I begin to think to myself, "Okay, I could see this going somewhere." My co-worker continues their story...)
Co-worker: So, eventually we decide to go grab some food at Kroll's. And...
(My co-worker begins laughing so hard they cannot even finish the story. Yet, they rebuttal...)
Co-worker: Well, (they laugh again), the group of other friends we were just talking about walked right in the door as we were talking about them!
(My co-worker continued to laugh outrageously hard as I sat there)

No, this person didn't get in a car accident, one of their friends didn't get so intoxicated they decided to place that person naked in a corn field...rather, a minimal, coincidental situation occurred, which was high enough on their scale of excitement to be labeled "an adventure." And part of me is outrageously envious of this person. I feel one of my average nights out on the town would blow their mind. I'm not saying my co-worker's life expectations are lower than mine, but rather I'm extremely intrigued how their course to happiness is much more achievable.

As elementary as it is to negatively assess a person's success compared to yours, not everyone is looking for the same thing. Everyone is looking to live, and that definition will vary for everyone. My current life goals are at a disheartening, significant halt, and for the first time in my life I'm fairly embarrassed about who I am and what I'm doing. I'm even more impressed with my friends who are finding instant success out of college. Their accomplishments only make me want to reach mine quicker.

Many people who end up successful took some sort of risk to get to where they are, which likely required significant ambition. However, an equal amount of individuals took a step away from their perhaps far-fetched dreams to live a happy and more realistic life. Our goals can change as time goes on. You can only hope that 50 years down the road you aren't the strange person at the bar saying "I could have" statements to random strangers. We all want to be someone, we all want to be remembered.