Monday, July 16, 2012

Is it hot in here, or is it just SSX Tricky?

A basic tricky move
When revenue flat lines, like my post views, one must innovate. You don't focus on what once worked; you change the playing field! More importantly, you attempt to figure out what will drive your female readers wild. As always, I'm fairly certain I found the answer....a video game review.

I'm aware, SSX Tricky is a throwback game to evaluate. However, you must realize back in the early 2000s we didn't have the same video game reviewing technology and ways of thinking as we do now (i.e. elaborate prostate exams and the ability to TiVo "Wizards of Waverly Place"). Likewise, I have a feeling some of the younger crowd requires a little refreshing on the background of SSX Tricky.

SSX Tricky is a snowboarding video game released in November of 2001 by EA Sports as the sequel to SSX. Rumors that the game's initial name was "Tricky Sex," but switched to "SSX Tricky" due to a drunk, dyslexic copyeditor are true. The game's overall theme, plot and switch from a low budget porno to a video game had to be completely reworked. The game originally was playable on PlayStation 2, Xbox and GameCube. For my purposes, I tested the game out on PS2. Somehow, this game is still $30.00 on Amazon. Here's what I found out...

Pretty good for eating eggs off of

With a new apartment and lack of essentials with the correlating move, we are often very low on plates. I found SSX Tricky's plate-like shape served fairly well. The game's platform could only hold three omelets but was easy to clean post hash browns.

Just so-so for applying sunscreen

I live pretty close to a beach and make frequent visits. With that being said, sunscreen is a must, because UV Rays mean sunscreen AND plenty of women who need sunscreen to be applied. I found SSX Tricky kind of works for lathering on sun protective lotion. Furthermore, the game works about as well as rubbing it on with a your cell phone. I recommend asking women for approval before applying sunscreen to their backs with an old video game as you're about to go through with what's thought to be a "romantic" move that's ultimately "embarrassing and illegal."

Too tricky for SSX Tricky
Terrible for cleaning your fingernails

Since fingernail clippers have have been made obsolete by the iPhone, and I don't have an iPhone -- you have to get creative. SSX Tricky's disc design with the shiny bottom resembles the outter appearance of a fingernail clipper but with much worse services. The game has zero corners or edges to clean out the inside of a pumpkin from under your nails. Oh, and I know what you are thinking...yes, the game case has corners...however, I lost the game case at the beach -- so this feature wasn't available.

Sadly, I was only able to try out the game through these three tests, because by the time I put the disc into my PS2 the game was covered in pumpkin-screen-egg matter. The disc ruined my PS2, which was just a VCR, which was hooked up to my microwave but somehow charged my iPod.

Overall, I give SSX Tricky a B-.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

How much I hate Skip Bayless

I don't understand Skip Bayless and his vendetta against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. Way too bias for my taste. He really takes the enjoyment out of watching ESPN nowadays, especially with the NFL season right around the corner. I dislike him SO MUCH.

Not this much,

or this much,

but 'dis MUCH!

The Growing Acceptance in Lack of Pride in Work and Life

Outside of my humor and puppet focused posts, I've wrote on life goals and professional careers. I've recently felt compelled to return to the topic as I've become increasingly troubled by the answers I receive when I ask post-college graduates what their future plans or current goals are. Their answers are a too often and troubling, "Not sure," or an unmotivated, "I don't know."

I understand, TRUST ME, I UNDERSTAND, leaving college or even having decided an ultimate goal a few years down the road may be problematic -- especially with the current job market. The economy validates the uncertainty in the answer to some extent. My issue isn't the unknown, clueless answer; the growing trend of acceptance to the lack of motivation and pride is what bothers me.

I had a conversation with a friend recently and asked them where they wanted to climactically be in their career as an achievement of true success. The individual said they had attended grad school, received their Master's, found a very good job and are looking to return to school for a Ph.D. within two years. I instantly explained to my friend my extreme adoration for their success and aspirations. I went on to explain how commonplace it's become for a person to answer the same question with a simple, "Whatever." A "whatever" aimlessly preserved in airless atmosphere, which the entire world is supposed to see as irreproachable. You aren't to question that they are unsure, not to make any recommendations, not to help, but rather applaud and encourage the lack of pride, because there really is no pride.

Clint and Ron Howard

One way people go about making up for their lack of success is gluing themselves to the coattails of those they have relationships with, both intimate and as friends or family. I see such an innate problem with clinging onto someone else's achievements in order to give off the impression you're doing well by association. Isn't this growing standard concerning for everyone else? 

You should be able to look yourself in the mirror with your chin up and say, "Look at what I've done." Instead, people avoid the mirror and throw a towel over it. They live off the sensual feeling and grossly existing pride and satisfaction in what the person their married to has accomplished or what the people they've slept with have done.

It's sickening; it's disturbing; it makes you wonder, "When are these people going to wake up? Will they go on the rest of their lives gloating and proudly pissing in a pond of gold filled by another's accomplishments?"

Of course, discussing your goals or successes is uneasy and awkward, but at some point you need to be able to remove the towel you tossed over the mirror. Whether your goal is to just get a decent job or raise a great family, you have to draft some blue prints! Did your family not raise you to succeed? If they didn't, don't you see others who are driven and have some small desire to be like them?

"Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job".

What holds people back from questioning their friend's or family member's lack of path and ambition is the fear we will "hurt their feelings." We think questioning someone's lack of motivation as "mean" and "not polite" -- and to some extent it is. But I rather have a repeated kick in the balls to send some reality to my brain than have a rotting virus in my head make excuses for my lack of self-sufficiency.

My advice to those who are unsure on their life goals is to at least have something in line (even if it's short term). Without goals you have no backbone, and the lack of supportive structure has become terrifyingly "okay" with everyone. I understand too, it's whatever makes you happy. However, living your life with little self-accomplishment and fueling your own sense of pride with other's successes is inherently sickening.