Monday, July 16, 2012

Is it hot in here, or is it just SSX Tricky?

A basic tricky move
When revenue flat lines, like my post views, one must innovate. You don't focus on what once worked; you change the playing field! More importantly, you attempt to figure out what will drive your female readers wild. As always, I'm fairly certain I found the answer....a video game review.

I'm aware, SSX Tricky is a throwback game to evaluate. However, you must realize back in the early 2000s we didn't have the same video game reviewing technology and ways of thinking as we do now (i.e. elaborate prostate exams and the ability to TiVo "Wizards of Waverly Place"). Likewise, I have a feeling some of the younger crowd requires a little refreshing on the background of SSX Tricky.

SSX Tricky is a snowboarding video game released in November of 2001 by EA Sports as the sequel to SSX. Rumors that the game's initial name was "Tricky Sex," but switched to "SSX Tricky" due to a drunk, dyslexic copyeditor are true. The game's overall theme, plot and switch from a low budget porno to a video game had to be completely reworked. The game originally was playable on PlayStation 2, Xbox and GameCube. For my purposes, I tested the game out on PS2. Somehow, this game is still $30.00 on Amazon. Here's what I found out...

Pretty good for eating eggs off of

With a new apartment and lack of essentials with the correlating move, we are often very low on plates. I found SSX Tricky's plate-like shape served fairly well. The game's platform could only hold three omelets but was easy to clean post hash browns.

Just so-so for applying sunscreen

I live pretty close to a beach and make frequent visits. With that being said, sunscreen is a must, because UV Rays mean sunscreen AND plenty of women who need sunscreen to be applied. I found SSX Tricky kind of works for lathering on sun protective lotion. Furthermore, the game works about as well as rubbing it on with a your cell phone. I recommend asking women for approval before applying sunscreen to their backs with an old video game as you're about to go through with what's thought to be a "romantic" move that's ultimately "embarrassing and illegal."

Too tricky for SSX Tricky
Terrible for cleaning your fingernails

Since fingernail clippers have have been made obsolete by the iPhone, and I don't have an iPhone -- you have to get creative. SSX Tricky's disc design with the shiny bottom resembles the outter appearance of a fingernail clipper but with much worse services. The game has zero corners or edges to clean out the inside of a pumpkin from under your nails. Oh, and I know what you are thinking...yes, the game case has corners...however, I lost the game case at the beach -- so this feature wasn't available.

Sadly, I was only able to try out the game through these three tests, because by the time I put the disc into my PS2 the game was covered in pumpkin-screen-egg matter. The disc ruined my PS2, which was just a VCR, which was hooked up to my microwave but somehow charged my iPod.

Overall, I give SSX Tricky a B-.

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