First trip out to Montana + Winter Traveling Update

Montana

Sam's Tap Room at Red Lodge Ales

At the end of August, I got to go to Montana for the first time on business. The excitement around the trip stemmed from the fact that I picked up fly fishing earlier in the summer. Packing up my fly rod and gear I was beside myself. Fly fisherman around the country save up money to go on trips to Montana and I was going for free and was going to be situated on the Yellowstone River - one of the most renown fly fishing rivers in North America.

Beartooth Pass

The night before I departed I was staring up at the ceiling in bed until midnight. It was as if Santa was coming. Upon arrival and completing my work day I set off to Red Lodge, MT - a town about 50 minutes west of Billings. I set up outside of town along the Rock Creek river, a tributary of the Yellowstone that flows out of the Beartooth Mountains. The first night I was fish-less. Red Lodge is a nice, quant town that has a great brewery on the outskirts. Their double IPA is killer and you can't beat their prices.

Rock Creek River

Overall, the fishing was great. I only reeled in two fish for the four nights I spent there but wading on the Yellowstone and Rock Creek was unbelievably peaceful and rewarding. I'm looking forward to my next trip out there.

Baby Brown Trout

Winter Travel Plans

My January and February months are going to fly by. Here are my travel plans so far:

• A 7 day ski trip to Denver
• A 5 day ski trip to Utah
• A 6 day trip to Hawaii. (hopefully learning how to surf and getting in some bone fishing with the fly rod)

Round 2 coming up this winter!

Let me serenade you with a poem

Sometimes after I have a bucket full of coffee and red wine (I call it "colon pepper"), I indulge in the finer things...eggs, chemistry, scented candles, horse tails...and even literature. Often times, after reading Little Critter's First Shave, I feel provocative enough to write something of my own. And, since I've already written several short stories about me shaving myself, I've branched off into other artistic mediums. Recently, I wrote a poem, and I would like to share it with you:

You Are My Crypt, Inflame My Soul

Don't decay, darling.
Live on like the embalmed Latino women
in my neighborhood.
Absorb my rapture and let me dine
in your coffin.
If our love is paradise then my heart is satin.
And if we don't make it to heaven,
let us shock the souls of Limbo.
Sinless infants will dance
above Purgatory,
shaking the chandeliers of coping families,
so they won't forget us
like the embalmed Latino women in my neighborhood.

I Hate Your Excessively Peppy Facebook and Twitter Statuses

This is exactly what I look like.

I suppose my view of Facebook and Twitter is fairly pessimistic. I don't enjoy most posts I read - in fact, I probably hate 93% of the status updates I see on Facebook. I use both social media sites as sources of entertainment. Sadly, the majority of the population sees tweeting and status updates as a personal journal of ramblings - which can be incredibly intriguing....but usually not. As I once stated in an earlier blog, "You never realize how unclever and uninteresting people are until they begin tweeting. It's like accidentally hopping on Locomotive Nincompoop on its way to Fartville, USA powered by someone's deficient inner monologue." So, yes, I likely really don't enjoy almost everything you post. However, my friend tweeted this, which I did enjoy:

"People who are not motivated at all bug me. But people who act super motivated all the time bug me more. Settle down."

How true, how simple but true. Being positive, enthusiastic and motivated about everything in life is admirable...but not realistic. We all know someone like this. Their energy level is as if ten teams of cheerleaders fused into one person. The individuals are super nice, likely super respectable but also super in your face ABOUT EVERYTHING. You can rightly assume these balls of mobilized firecrackers are either on excessive amounts of drugs or so far out of touch with reality they are doomed to an epic awakening of depression when they realize the world isn't all sunshine and farts.

Furthermore, these intensely positive individuals are hard to legitimately hate but so easy to be bothered by. There's a happy medium you wish these people could find - but to each their own. As nice as you can try to look at their constant, amped-up bliss, consistent contact with these individuals forces even the most courteous of us to begin avoiding general conversations with them, because sometimes at 7:15 a.m. on a Monday the last thing you need is a yelling fuck of kindness in your ear. Likewise, hiding no longer works as physical avoidance now becomes not enough, because social media is a sure-fire way to let everyone know everything you're thinking.

So, often times the tweets and posts I hate are idealistic, motivational phrases from one of these individuals - because they don't come in single form. They are delivered in packages of 19/day. Although I never have been one to be incredibly inspired by random motivational posters or quotes, I believe writing is one of the greatest ways to communicate thoughts, beliefs and experiences - sometimes more than any other mode of communication. The power words have is unending. From books to essays to poetry -- writing has the ability to prompt you to think and feel in new, complex ways you never would have been introduced to otherwise. My respect for great writers of all genres is immense. However, this doesn't mean everything is worth writing...or communicating....

What makes me more annoyed than motivational quotes, by far, are over peppy updates of people's current and future life events. Let me try to give you an example:

"What a great day! After seven years of school, I will finally be an official employee at [insert generic corporation]! I am truly blessed and thank all those people who have supported my dream of becoming an Assistant Financial Advisory Managing Team Leader since childhood to put me in a position to succeed! Love to all! Don't let troubles stand in your way! Starting my week on a cloud of bliss!"

I feel so awkward when I read these. I don't want to downplay someone's accomplishments, but announcing these events and feelings in an over dramatic, shot-out-of-a-glitter-gun positive fashion with a hint of failed poetic elegance just doesn't hit me the right way. I don't see Facebook and Twitter as correct mediums to communicate over-the-top messages. When I read one of these immensely high spirited updates, I throw it on the on the same level as a 13-year-old girl announcing she will never love again. You want to respect their feelings but can't take the comment seriously. I mean, come on, it's Facebook.

Take it down a notch.

I once brought up this topic to a few people and was criticized for lacking the "spirituality" to appreciate the posts.......what? They followed my response of a confused eyebrow raise and head tilt with, "You just don't get it. She/he is really spiritual now." I've had multiple college courses on spirituality, and I wouldn't say "lacking spirituality" is correct phrasing. I would say I'm more realistic, and, by being realistic, when you rub your lifestyle and peppy to the point of puke thoughts in my face, I tend to not enjoy it. These people have the Tim Tibow mentality. I love hearing friends and family success stories, but not when they're consistently in my face about it - like a child forcing a chew toy into a dog's face. The bulk number of these tweets and posts takes away the significance of the situation - to the point where I will no longer read these, even when they are of importance.

We are all guilty of using these mediums as opportunities to assume the world cares about our train of thought, actions and lifestyles. My suggestion for these excessively positive people is to take it down a few notches, for everyone's sake. I want what I read through both Twitter and Facebook to evoke some emotions that don't include annoyance and the wish for a "despise" button.

USA Women's Gymnastics Coach...A Spy??

One of my cousins brought up a very good point after witnessing the United States Women's Gymnastics Team win gold last night at the 2012 London Olympics...

Is it hot in here, or is it just SSX Tricky?

A basic tricky move

When revenue flat lines, like my post views, one must innovate. You don't focus on what once worked; you change the playing field! More importantly, you attempt to figure out what will drive your female readers wild. As always, I'm fairly certain I found the answer....a video game review.

I'm aware, SSX Tricky is a throwback game to evaluate. However, you must realize back in the early 2000s we didn't have the same video game reviewing technology and ways of thinking as we do now (i.e. elaborate prostate exams and the ability to TiVo "Wizards of Waverly Place"). Likewise, I have a feeling some of the younger crowd requires a little refreshing on the background of SSX Tricky.

SSX Tricky is a snowboarding video game released in November of 2001 by EA Sports as the sequel to SSX. Rumors that the game's initial name was "Tricky Sex," but switched to "SSX Tricky" due to a drunk, dyslexic copyeditor are true. The game's overall theme, plot and switch from a low budget porno to a video game had to be completely reworked. The game originally was playable on PlayStation 2, Xbox and GameCube. For my purposes, I tested the game out on PS2. Somehow, this game is still $30.00 on Amazon. Here's what I found out...

Pretty good for eating eggs off of

With a new apartment and lack of essentials with the correlating move, we are often very low on plates. I found SSX Tricky's plate-like shape served fairly well. The game's platform could only hold three omelets but was easy to clean post hash browns.

Just so-so for applying sunscreen

I live pretty close to a beach and make frequent visits. With that being said, sunscreen is a must, because UV Rays mean sunscreen AND plenty of women who need sunscreen to be applied. I found SSX Tricky kind of works for lathering on sun protective lotion. Furthermore, the game works about as well as rubbing it on with a your cell phone. I recommend asking women for approval before applying sunscreen to their backs with an old video game as you're about to go through with what's thought to be a "romantic" move that's ultimately "embarrassing and illegal."

Too tricky for SSX Tricky

Terrible for cleaning your fingernails

Since fingernail clippers have have been made obsolete by the iPhone, and I don't have an iPhone -- you have to get creative. SSX Tricky's disc design with the shiny bottom resembles the outter appearance of a fingernail clipper but with much worse services. The game has zero corners or edges to clean out the inside of a pumpkin from under your nails. Oh, and I know what you are thinking...yes, the game case has corners...however, I lost the game case at the beach -- so this feature wasn't available.

Sadly, I was only able to try out the game through these three tests, because by the time I put the disc into my PS2 the game was covered in pumpkin-screen-egg matter. The disc ruined my PS2, which was just a VCR, which was hooked up to my microwave but somehow charged my iPod.

Overall, I give SSX Tricky a B-.

How much I hate Skip Bayless

I don't understand Skip Bayless and his vendetta against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. Way too bias for my taste. He really takes the enjoyment out of watching ESPN nowadays, especially with the NFL season right around the corner. I dislike him SO MUCH.

Not this much,

or this much,

but 'dis MUCH!

The Growing Acceptance in Lack of Pride in Work and Life

Outside of my humor and puppet focused posts, I've wrote on life goals and professional careers. I've recently felt compelled to return to the topic as I've become increasingly troubled by the answers I receive when I ask post-college graduates what their future plans or current goals are. Their answers are a too often and troubling, "Not sure," or an unmotivated, "I don't know."

I understand, TRUST ME, I UNDERSTAND, leaving college or even having decided an ultimate goal a few years down the road may be problematic -- especially with the current job market. The economy validates the uncertainty in the answer to some extent. My issue isn't the unknown, clueless answer; the growing trend of acceptance to the lack of motivation and pride is what bothers me.

I had a conversation with a friend recently and asked them where they wanted to climactically be in their career as an achievement of true success. The individual said they had attended grad school, received their Master's, found a very good job and are looking to return to school for a Ph.D. within two years. I instantly explained to my friend my extreme adoration for their success and aspirations. I went on to explain how commonplace it's become for a person to answer the same question with a simple, "Whatever." A "whatever" aimlessly preserved in airless atmosphere, which the entire world is supposed to see as irreproachable. You aren't to question that they are unsure, not to make any recommendations, not to help, but rather applaud and encourage the lack of pride, because there really is no pride.

Clint and Ron Howard

One way people go about making up for their lack of success is gluing themselves to the coattails of those they have relationships with, both intimate and as friends or family. I see such an innate problem with clinging onto someone else's achievements in order to give off the impression you're doing well by association. Isn't this growing standard concerning for everyone else? 

You should be able to look yourself in the mirror with your chin up and say, "Look at what I've done." Instead, people avoid the mirror and throw a towel over it. They live off the sensual feeling and grossly existing pride and satisfaction in what the person their married to has accomplished or what the people they've slept with have done.

It's sickening; it's disturbing; it makes you wonder, "When are these people going to wake up? Will they go on the rest of their lives gloating and proudly pissing in a pond of gold filled by another's accomplishments?"

Of course, discussing your goals or successes is uneasy and awkward, but at some point you need to be able to remove the towel you tossed over the mirror. Whether your goal is to just get a decent job or raise a great family, you have to draft some blue prints! Did your family not raise you to succeed? If they didn't, don't you see others who are driven and have some small desire to be like them?

"Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job".

What holds people back from questioning their friend's or family member's lack of path and ambition is the fear we will "hurt their feelings." We think questioning someone's lack of motivation as "mean" and "not polite" -- and to some extent it is. But I rather have a repeated kick in the balls to send some reality to my brain than have a rotting virus in my head make excuses for my lack of self-sufficiency.

My advice to those who are unsure on their life goals is to at least have something in line (even if it's short term). Without goals you have no backbone, and the lack of supportive structure has become terrifyingly "okay" with everyone. I understand too, it's whatever makes you happy. However, living your life with little self-accomplishment and fueling your own sense of pride with other's successes is inherently sickening.